maybe all that studying made me feel so alone. so alone this time round. perhaps i was still wishing, still wishing, the past was still present. having you here to accompany me through these dark hours. but no, i have yet to let the reality that i am alone to sink in.

who would ever understand what i am feeling? having someone, yet no one here concurrently. having to face all the 'slashing' alone, having to watch movies alone, having to enjoy tons of meals alone, having no study buddy, having to cry alone, having no shoulder to lean upon. maybe as we grow older, we get more and more alone. i'm less willing to open up to new friends now, because after all that i've been thru, acquintance(s) is all i ask for. i'm too afraid to let anyone near me anymore, because its only then, people can hurt me the most.

the ugly side(s) of people always let me down. and it has done so over and over again. its true, when you dislike someone, their every actions buys your criticism. and when you're a close friend, you only have care and concern to sell. why is the world so difficult to understand? why is it that we can give up friendship for mundane tiffs? and this is not only the case for friendship(s). even for a relationship, we get so affected by small actions, small talks, small disputes which all end off with the conclusion we all did't intended for.

i'm so stressed out i'm typing so incoherently now. i just needed to get some thoughts out of my mind. tata.