Screwed up life .

never in my life i feel so screwed up. like seriously, i know all my life i've been told since i was young, " you'll never get into uni with such PSLE scores " ,
in secondary two :"you are gonna get retained if you continue with your grades like that ",
and mrs tian(after prelims): " you're gonna be so bored at home. while all your friends are in JC having their first three months , you'll sit at home and have no one to chat with even! " ,
even up till JC i was contanstly reminded that i'll retain retain retain.

and the funny thing about life is, somehow i still managed to pull thru and made it into uni now. but the thing is, getting into uni is one thing. getting into a course of your choice is another. i'm paying for the consequences now. its discouraging when you know you start a race handicapped. i've never done biology all my life, not in secondary school or even JC. and now i'm doing biological sciences ?? i really wonder wth was i thinking when i decided to put it as my first choice.
i'm lagging behind academically now. very badly. cause of the disadvantage that i'm having. having not done bio all my life and taking it as a core subject now is madness. literally. everytime the lecturer uses a bio term, i'll feel so fustrated not understanding what it means. like, why am i even in this lecture hall ? i just don't fit in. and its getting on my nerves.

the worst part is that, i dont feel like even trying out the tutorials which are very bio-based. because i expect myself to not know how to even start the question and would feel pekchek the whole time. i rather not do it. i end up going to class to copy answers most of the time. sigh.

i feel like changing my course to econs. at least that's something i am passionate about and have interest in. i want to so badly :\

oh and yes, i guess i'm too used to the spoon-feeding in sec and JC life. suddenly i enjoy being forced to do things. like joining a CCA .
i have worked out there before, and i do know the importance of making your resume look good. it'll look especially good with many CCA records. but somehow, i havent joined anything up till now. just because ntu didnt make joining a cca a compulsory thing. shit. i feel so loser-ish .

everything else in my life isn't going too well either. studies sucks. school sucks. love life sucks even more. can someone tell me what's the good thing i have in my life right now?

i only look forward to the weekends right now .

These memories can't replace,
These wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
Take this broken heart and make it right.